How Stoned Was I

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 - Family Experience

When I was in college, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, and soon after suffered a stroke that rendered him unable to speak. I packed a wooden bowl I had whittled myself with some really good headies and I went to see him, my grandmother, and my mom. While I was there, I asked my mom and grandmother if they could go for a walk so I could have some man to man time with my grandfather, they agreed.

Soon after they left, I looked my grandfather in the eye and said, “Grandpa, you taught me how to whittle, and I carved this wooden bowl that means a lot to me, I was wondering if you would do me the honor of smoking some pot with me man to man. Similar to the peace pipe of the American Indians.”

He nodded indicating that he understood, so I lit him up and he began puffing like a madman, I let him burn half the bowl and then I took a single hit and let my grandfather finish the rest. He was definitely high, and after my mom and grandmother returned, he began quickly rocking back and forth in his recliner. My grandmother said, “Wow, he sure is energetic, I wonder what got into him?” I silently grinned to myself.

Soon after this, my grandfather actually began to recover somewhat and he regained his voice. My entire family, except for me, had gathered at the hospital and my grandfather whispered to my mother, “I have a secret.”

My mom asks, “What secret?”

My grandfather responded, “I can’t tell you S______ will get mad.”

My grandmother shook her head and said, “S______ won’t get mad, you can tell us.”

My grandfather looks my mother in the eye and said softly, “We had a pot party…”

A ripple of shock went through the room.

Then my grandfather said with some excitement, “We got BOMBED!”

And my entire family began cracking up hysterically.

And that’s the story of how my family discovered I smoke pot… HSWI?

Monday, October 12th, 2009 - Traveling Experience

Once I went on this 7 day cruise which stopped in Jamaica. In Jamaica I found this open art market, there were tons of wood carvings and even hand carved bowls. So I ask the guy selling the bowls, “Do you have anything to fill these with?” He answers “Yah mahn, what you need?” I ended up getting 2 fistfuls of Ganga for $30 I couldn’t believe how cheap it was.

Of course on cruise ships you have to go through Jamacian customs to make sure you aren’t bringing anything illegal on board the ship (cough). There were 2 long, crowded lines each lined up with one customs agent at a desk. Each desk was on either side of the exit to the pier to get on the ship. Feeling much like Odysseus navigating the whirlpool and the sea serpent, I walked inbetween the two lines, quickly and without looking up. Holding my breath I made it through the gateway and onto the pier, no one questioned me.

Finally I make it to the ship, and the first thing I see is a drug dog, and I curse to myself. Fortunately there were 2 other openings to the ship and neither of these were guarded by a dog. I quickly entered the ship and made my way to my room with my stash. I spent the rest of the vacation smoking up everyone… We smoked on the tanning deck in the middle of the day, we smoked in the hot tubs in the middle of the night. Full cigarette sized joints of delicious sweet sticky Jamaican bud. HSWI?

Monday, October 12th, 2009 - Religious Experience

After pulling a few rips off a mighty gravity bong called Bercilak, I ended up passing out on the couch.  I woke up the next morning to my roommates hysterically laughing at me.  Apparently I had been watching a religious channel when I had passed out and my hand was now down my pants.  One of my roommates wrote a poem about it called, “Jerking off to Jesus…” HSWI